My Story
of Stillness in Action
In 2020, I hit ground zero, and I said no more.
A promise of radical integrity pulsed through my blood, my bones, my heart, and there was no going back.
Following this potent declaration to all of reality, invitations started to stream in, from the future that was beckoning me. I chose a frequency that held the secrets of my highest possibility - and shook me out of situations I’d been stuck in, playing it safe. I lept, albeit with fear, sadness, and deep consequences, but with the non negotiable promise to stay aligned to my highest potential.
My first step was of deep release - the city, the job, the relationship I was in. I let it all go, and moved into a physical and social environment conducive to solitude and introspection.
I began the new path with a one year program that promised to bring me into soul alignment and launch a business rooted in the service. It was a start, an important one, but it wasn’t as simple as that to arrive at the result it promised.
In 2021, I took the four foundational courses of ThetaHealing. This was the one experience that undoubtedly radically altered my life. It was suddenly possible to connect with creation energy in any moment, and to remember experientially, that we are one with All That Is. I began to have the experience of a benevolent energy guiding and supporting me every day, as I opened up my heart and mind, asked and received.
Hours of meditation followed each day, as I cleared up the old from my system, making space for a deeper new. And a year after my first Theta Healing class, the new arrived.
30 hours by flight, in a country on the other side of the world, was my future life - the land I now live on, the love of my life, and the dog who is a spirit guide. I’d had visions of this future when meditating, and reality was many times sweeter. Feb 2022, is when I met Costa Rica, David, and Lovito - my home, my life partner, and my dearest dog and guide. It is a beautiful and magical story, and if you want to read more, you can here.
Coming back to my unfolding path. Being with David put my inner life in 5th gear - we amplified and accelerated our shared intention to fully awaken. We have been together 3 years, but it could just as well be 30, given the evolution in us as individuals, in our relationship, and in our shared life.
The first two years of our relationship opened me up to years of repressed pain. Although, in the background, there was deep peace and love, in the foreground I was experiencing intense flows of sadness and anger like never before. Intimate relationships can be triggering mirrors of old, stuck pain. I’m just deeply grateful that our solid foundation of equanimity and love held space for me to acknowledge and release this pain, and transmute it into intimacy and vulnerability. Healing and releasing were the top priority in my life, and the hours of meditation continued.
Deepening spiritually took me to a place of equanimity and non-attachment, but not in a completely healthy way. I was present, but also floating without direction. Something was amiss.
I was lacking aliveness and radiance. My relationships with family, and friends that had meant so much to me didn’t move me as much. There were no dreams I felt committed to, no habits I wanted to build. I was numb to reality, experiencing apathy.
I think perhaps I was losing touch with the fact that we are here to be fully human. I was losing touch with myself - the individuated I, who yes, is continuously evolving, but exists as the centerpiece of the relative experience, duality. I was losing connection to the ‘I’ who loved my people, the ‘I’ who enjoyed my passions and the ‘I’ who had stable dreams and the motivation to pursue them. The ‘I’ who is perfectly imperfect and absolutely loves all aspects of the messy, magical, multidimensional human experience.
Thankfully, however, through inquiry, grace and support, something has begun to shift, and an inner experience of balance is presenting itself - balance between the absolute (non-duality) and the relative (duality). Balance between experiencing life as a dream, and having the motivation to live the dream fully. Balance between stillness and action, between surrender and directedness, between yin and yang, between feminine and masculine.
Today I hold a deep and sincere prayer to fully release into the awakened mind, and to fully embody the awakened mind - all at once. This feels true and stable.
I’m back on a mission now, to participate in the co-creation of the world we believe is possible, from the deepest layer of my being - from stillness. Where there is a rhythmic release of all layers of my identity into the only layer of identity that is permanent, and a complementary allowing of the newness that arises from stillness to be embodied through me and manifest in the world.
The highest expression of what is possible in the world, comes from the deepest layers of reality. I believe that to truly participate in co-creating a possibility that has never existed, we need to release attachment to all that exists, surrender into stillness, and then allow the new to be born.
I am playing my part by doing my best to walk my talk. I offer my presence, wisdom, gifts and embodied experience, to support others who resonate, navigate their path with safety, love, joy and simplicity.